Reader x Levi - AU!Finding a Reason to Stay

Reader x MentallyIll!Levi - AU!Finding a Reason to Stay

^{Title: Finding a Reason to Stay  
Fandom: Attack on Titan
Character: Levi Ackerman
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Trigger warnings: This piece contains sensitive material related to suicide and mental illness. Read at your own risk.
Intended Gender Audience: Female audience
Other comments: Please listen at a low volume while you read; Inspired by; Not edited (only added header)}








Everything stands still.

         Nothing is out of place.

         The music plays softly.

         His formal, leather shoes click against the cement floors, the sound traveling throughout the hallways and bouncing back into his ears. He scowls at the improper noise they make.

         Upon stopping in front of a full-body mirror, he tightens the ebony bow tie and refolds the crisp, white collar of his freshly-ironed shirt. The faintest sound of clothes shuffling bothers him. Then, from the corner of his eye, something catches his attention. He turns to straighten the manila folders lying on the desk. The labels seem to taunt him.

         Eren.

         Mikasa.

         Landlord.

         Who dare touch the last folder and move it from the perfect line they resided in?

         No matter, Levi. Just make it straight, he says to himself, fingers turning the folder a few degrees counterclockwise.

         Levi takes a moment to take a breath in and exhale, before he spins around on the ball of his foot. His pale fingers do not forget to grab hold of the chair. The seat drags behind Levi as he makes his way to the centre of the nearly empty room.

         The slightest movement of the swinging rope pulls Levi’s attention upwards. The noose. His freedom. His fear.

         Sighing, Levi aligns the chair with the cord and buttons his tuxedo jacket before taking a step upwards. The wood seems to support his light weight. No problem there. Levi fiddles with the ends of his jacket, pulling it down and tugging at the edges to make sure the fabric has no wrinkles or imperfections. Once again, no problems.

         But the noose… the noose in front of him… is not perfect. Not quite yet.

         He pulls the rope over his head and looks forward.

         Now.

         Now it is perfect.

         Not breaking his gaze from the vacant wall in front of him, Levi pulls the phone from his inside jacket pocket. He taps the screen once. No notifications. No calls, no texts, no emails, no nothing.

         Because everyone he cared for… was dead or living their own lives. Away from the past. Away from the pain and suffering.

         Levi returns the phone to the pocket. He straightens the jacket once more. While doing so, he sees the smallest ball of lint dancing across the floor.

         Disgusted by the sight, Levi removes the rope from his neck, steps down from the chair, and goes to pick up the dust bunny. With a pan and handheld broom, of course. He walks towards the metal trash bin in the corner of the room, but pauses before the rubbish can fall into the container. He would have to empty the bin if he threw this away now. No. There is no time for that.

         Instead, Levi makes his way to the restroom. There, he tosses the lint into the toilet and flushes.

         Now that the trash has been taken care of, Levi returns to the chair, steps up, and pulls the noose back around his neck.

         But then…

         “Listen to music add-free by upgrading to premium for only 7.99. You will receive unlimited access to the hottest artist of the month! And here’s Justin Bieber… Ooh whoa, ooh whoa, ooh whoa. You know you love-”

         Levi groans and covers his ears to keep from hearing the terrible sounds coming from the radio.

         Like before, Levi pulls the rope from around his neck, jumps down onto the floor, and saunters over to the radio. The dial spins and the classical music returns.

         Annoyed, Levi returns to the chair and stands tall on the seat.

         No more interruptions, he thinks.

         Rope around the neck.

         Deep breath in.

         Deep breath out.

         Levi looks around the room once more to make sure everything is in place.

         Everything is perfect.

         So he takes a step forward.

         But the rope breaks, causing Levi to land on his backside. “Fucking rope… too weak to hold my own weight…” he complains, picking up the flimsy cord. The back of his head aches where it collided with the cement of the floor. Levi grumbles again before standing up slowly and dragging himself towards the door.

         He pauses, turns back, retrieves his keys, and then precedes to exit the apartment.

         After a few minutes of silent driving, Levi arrives at the small shop. Inside, he browses the aisles for nothing in particular. The rope is only an afterthought in the back of his crowded mind. Levi notices how much dirt has collected on the sides of the rafts.

         The soft rock and roll coming from the speakers fades away as Levi wipes away the filthy sight. He hums happily once the metal is clean. Levi moves on and continues to look around the store.

         Behind him, the chatter of another customer and someone who works at the store buzzes in his ears. Levi ignores them.

         He opens a random drawer and rearranges the metal pieces into an orderly fashion rather than the jumbled mess they once sat in. A little further down the aisle, Levi makes sure that all the long nails are all facing inwards, the points towards the wall.

         A dull thud pull Levi’s attention to the left.

         Pathetic human moving and not paying attention. They probably shuffled past the container and didn’t even notice they knocked it over.

         He bends over to pick it up and return the bag of fallen mulch to its spot when a voice breaks his train of thought.

         “Sir, don’t worry about that. I can put it back. It’s my job, after all.”

         Levi clears his throat. “No worries.” He looks up and meets your glowing eyes.

         “Thank you.” You smile and turn away to finish restocking some supplies.

         Looking forward, Levi notices the stacked pots. Out of order. Green mixed with terra. Unacceptable. Levi begins to resort the pots.

         “Anything you need help finding, sir?”

         Levi finishes with the pots before responding. “No, I’m good.” Pause. “Thank you.”

         He doesn’t notices your lingering gaze. But you turn away and leave.

         For the next ten minutes, Levi waltzes around the store, cleaning shelves and moving objects around so that everything is in place. Who the fuck put the U on top of the G? Why is this shitty container of gel with the gallon buckets? Seriously, do others have no brains?

         “Are you looking for safety codes, sir?” a voice asks. Levi turns at looks at you. “Hardly anyone ever finds them, they’re hidden so well. I can help you with anything else.”

         Levi nods his head. When will this brat just leave me the fuck alone? “I’m good, like I said.”

         You raise an eyebrow. “You sure?”

         “Actually… do you know where I can find rope?”

         “Of course. Follow me, if you will.” You lead him through the store, taking the longest route possible. Finally arriving at the wall decorated with different types of ropes, you start listing the various selections. “Right, so we have connor rope, nautical rope, twine rope, rope twine-” you take a breath to try an earn a laugh from the strange man next to you. No such luck. “And pretty much anything you need, sir.”

         He marvels at the wall. “I had no idea there were so many types of fucking rope…”

         Nodding, you smile. “May I ask why you need this rope, sir?”

         The man whips his head and glares at you. “Why?” he demands in a harsh voice.

         You nearly take a step back in fear. “Um, just to help you, sir. With your selection.”

         “Oh,” he replies. Levi exhales deeply and lets his straight posture fall. “Just… Just some strong house rope.”

         “Right so you’re doing some remodeling in your house, are you?”

         “Yeah. You know. Old pieces of shit don’t last long nowadays,” Levi comments, trying to speed up the process of conversation and leave the store as soon as possible now. “I mean I’ve got some shitty drill at home and a hammer of sorts so all I’m missing now is a good, sturdy rope.”

         You reach for a bundle at eye level and hand it to the gentleman. “Well, we’ve got this general all purposes rope.”

         Levi plays with the end of the rope before mumbling, “I think I will be needing something a bit more substantial… like stronger.”

         “Right.” He hands you the rope back. After putting the bundle back, you move the ladder forwards enough to be able to reach a larger coil about a foot above the previous option.

         “Like something in case there is an earthquake… I might need to bust open a door or something… maybe repel off a building?”

         You turn around and glance at him. “So, you basically need a rope that can hold your own body weight?”

         Levi nods. “Basically.”

         “What do you weigh?” you asked, looking at the man. He seems pretty solid. “One fifty-five?”

         He shakes his head. “One forty-three.”

         An idea pops into your head. “Well, we’ve also got this brilliant climbing rope.” You unravel some from the coil and allow the ravenette to touch the material.

         He frowns at the blue of the rope. “Do you happen to have something… I don’t know… less colourful? Something like the shit-colour villians used to tie people down to the railroads in the old days?”

         You sigh and put the bundle back. “Lastly, we have this natural fiber rope. It’s sturdy and not blue and-”

         “It’s perfect.”

         You nod. “Will that be all?”



Outside of the shop, bag in hand, Levi brushes off some stray pieces of wood off his car. They bother him. They take away from the car. They make it dirty.

         A voice once again breaks Levi’s concentration.

         “I know what you’d doing,” you whisper.

         The winds whistles softly and play Levi’s hair. “Okay…”

         “And I respect it. Taking your life in your own hands. Everything is fucked either way, right?” You pause to see if he is paying attention to you. He is. “Have you ever seen a dead body?”

         Levi recalls memories of the piles of bloodied dead he had seen. And then he banishes the thoughts from his mind.

         “No.”

         “I was in the army a few years back,” you say, bringing your hands together.

         While licking his lips, Levi tips his head down. “Thank you for your service.”

         You almost laugh. “No need. I was only a maid. Not exactly front lines, but still. There was a PFC one day that just couldn’t take it anymore and just started pacing around. He ranted on and on about wanted to get out of there while he still could. And we had just cleaned the stairs and no one bothered to put a sign… but he slipped and fell while he was lighting a cigarette. And bam. He broke his spine in four places and cracked his skull wide open.”

         Levi’s eyes widen. I remember this story… why do I remember this story?

         “All because no one bothered to fuck with the sign.”

         Levi nods.

         “Did you know that people shit themselves when they die?”

         “What? No.” He pauses. “Wait, really?”

         You chuckle. “It’s a mess.” You turn around and start to head back inside.

         Thunder rolls in the distance, echoing throughout the city. Only now does Levi notice the dark clouds that have hidden the beautiful blue of the morning sky.

         The black-haired man looks at you when you stop and face him once more. “We have tarps for sale in aisle 13B.” You think for a moment. “There are some that are not blue.”

         Levi shakes his head and starts walking. “Thank you.” And with that, he heads back into the shop to hunt for a tarp that will match the floor of his apartment.

         Waiting until you no longer hear the man’s heels clicking against the cemented stairs, you walk around his car and pull out your keys. You’ve seen a depressed man in your time. It’s never an easy sight to take in and it is always harder to reason with them.

         Dragging the metal against the car, you ignore all the voices in your mind telling you to cease your actions. You feed yourself small messages of hope, all coming down to the single and strong idea that your doings will delay his own plans.

         You leave and walk into the store, making sure to not run into the man once more.

         After a few minutes, Levi has found a tarp to his liking and paid for it. Outside, Levi is about to place the items in the trunk of his car with he sees the ugly and mangled scratch running alongside the driver’s door.

         “Oh for fucks sake!” he curses.




Under the cover of darkness, Levi researches automobile repair shops. Anything that would be able to fix the damage on his beautiful car. He has already visited ten websites that do not give him an exact time estimate of work days.

         Great. Just fucking great.

         All of a sudden, Levi’s phone vibrates.

         Vibrates?

         What?

         Someone… is someone trying to get in touch with him?

         Levi pulls out his phone and checks the new text message. From Hanji.



HANJI
Heeeeyyyy short stuff 😄😄
Are you busy tomorrow?
You should come and see
the new place tomorrow!!!!



         Levi turns his phone off without replying and takes a moment to think. After sitting silent for a moment, Levi’s mind drifts off to think of you.

         Only now does Levi realize how weird he must have seemed in the store. Perhaps he should have looked for you to ask for a number or even ask if you wanted to talk another time. But now, the two of you would most likely never see each other again.

         Something clicks in Levi’s mind.

         Could it be?

         Could it be that you were in fact the one to scratch his car and delay him killing himself? Levi sits forward on the edge of the chair and rests his head between his hands.

         You saved me. For some time. Thank you. May we never meet again…